Infants of the Spring script
Scene 1 Eleanor wakes up. She sees Jasper's phone reaches across him to get it. He grabs her arm so she hovers over him. Jasper: My phone is password protected and your video is backed up onto several hard drives. While you're here, good morning, baby. Eleanor:'''You can't do this to me. '''Jasper: You didn't seem to mind last night. Eleanor: I meant blackmail. You drugged me. Jasper: '''You get blacked out all the time and you know it. Now go get me some breakfast. '''Eleanor: '''What? '''Jasper: '''You heard me. '''Eleanor: Have you not been listening to me for the past two weeks? You don't order me around. I order you. I'm the princess. Jasper: If by princess you mean potential porn star. I'm famished from all this angry, supposed reluctant sex we've been having. So, food. Now. Go. Eleanor: '''No. '''Jasper: "Dear Dethroned..." You might want to put some clothes on. Someone might film you and blackmail you with it. Eleanor: I can't wait to ruin your life. knocks on door Eleanor: Go away. Helena: '''It's the queen of England. Open the door. looks at the bed '''Eleanor: '''You can't... Rachel, and Lucius enter '''Eleanor: What? Helena: Good morning, daughter who hates me. sniffs Helena: '''It smells of sex in here. '''Rachel: '''Dirty sex. '''Helena: '''Apparently someone's been beavering about. '''Eleanor: '''What? '''Helena: Social media. Did you say, "Bold and horny, FML." For God's sake, Lucius, what is FML? Lucius: '''The f-word my life, your majesty. ?: "This club sucks more d than me." "Dear Molly, get in my hole." '''Helena: '''Yum. '''Rachel: '''And then at 3:37 AM she signed off with, "My date is on fire, good thing my vagina is wet." '''Helena: Honestly, Eleanor, who fondled you as a child? Eleanor: Uncle Cyrus, of course. Helena: '''Why can't you drunk text like a normal person? ?: It's what I do, your majesty. '''Helena: '''From now on, Rachel will be your social media advisor. Whatever you post, Rachel will filter. '''Eleanor: '''Not bloody likely. '''Helena: Go on. Try it. types on phone dings Eleanor: '"I love my mum." You can't do this. '''Helena: '''Between you and- '''Eleanor: '''Fine. Just go. "I love my mum." '''Helena: '''I love you too, darling! is back on the bed '''Jasper: '''Where's that breakfast? '''Eleanor: '''FML! '''Jasper: '''Get me some coffee, too. Scene 2 ''Liam and Ophelia are sitting together drinking coffee. '''Liam: '''I have to say, this dirty girl soy thing is almost as good as tea. '''Ophelia: '''Considering it's the third time we've had "all the coffee," I think you like it more than tea. '''Liam: '''The coffee I endure. It's the company I like. '''Ophelia: '''Well played. But I don't think the queen would agree. '''Liam: '''The queen doesn't have to know. '''Ophelia: I'm pretty sure she knows. Ophelia looks outside at the paparazzi taking pictures through the window. Scene 3 Reporter: (on television) The royal family returns to their normal busy social calendar today for the first time since the devastating passing of his royal highness Prince Robert. Queen Helena encouraged the nation to look to the promise of the future. This afternoon's garden party celebrating the military will be the first public attempt, a return to palace normalcy. Helena: What is this? ?: Those are pistachio-encrusted eclairs, your majesty. Helena: Ew. No. ?: The king's head of security to see you, your majesty. ?: Mm. These are divine. Ted: If we could speak privately, my queen. Helena: '''I'm far too busy for that, Mr. Pryce. '''Ted: I'm afraid I must insist. Helena: Tell Hans the buttercake fingers and fruit tartlets are perfect, the pistachio thingies are a disaster. Walk away. You may stay, Lucius. Ted: '''I'd prefer he didn't. '''Helena: And I'd prefer it if your daughter weren't blowing my son. We can't always get what we want, can we? Ted: '''We've received a series of threats. ?: Death threats? '''Ted: Afraid so. ?: Boring. Let's discuss a legitimate threat to the monarchy. Ophelia. ?: In regards to his royal highness, I gave her my blessing. Helena: '''Well, I didn't. Ask Rachel to change these. Something with color. ?: Ma'am. '''Helena: '''As far as threats are concerned, that's why we have you, isn't it? And if you're unable to parent your daughter, the least you can do is not get us killed. Enjoy the party, Mr. Pryce. ?: What did he want? ?: Oh, our daily death threat. ?: Boring. ''MHelena: '''Cyrus, you know how important this party is, don't you? The battle for the monarchy starts today. You can't wear plaid. '''Cyrus: '''I'm not sure it matters. ?: Liam skipped the regent briefing again. '''Helena: Did you fix it? ?: Of course. Helena: 'Good. It's imperative we make Liam look every bit of a worthy heir today. It's the sole purpose of the party. We make him look presentable and influence a few important assets. ?: Speaking of, James Holloway also missed the meeting today. He's influential. Probably hair as well. ?: Wouldn't you like to know where he was? ?: Apparently he was found wandering Old Compton Street. ?: Interesting. ?: He's on the guest list for the party. ?: I know. I put him there. ?: Always important to have a plan B. Scene 4 ''Guards are holding onto Gemma in Liam's dorm room. She's fighting back. '''Gemma: Let go! Get off me! You idiots! Liam, and Ophelia enter Gemma: Marcus! Tell them who I am! Marcus: '''It's okay. Stand down. '''Gemma: '''Yeah, stand down, you big dummies. You're lucky I don't get you fired. Marcus, what the hell? '''Marcus: '''I'm sorry, Gemma. You're no longer on the list. '''Gemma: '''That's impossible. Who took me off the list? '''Liam: '''Gemma? '''Gemma: '''Hi, baby. Did you miss me? '''Ophelia: Hi. Gemma: '''So you're the coffee girl. Huh. I'm Liam's girlfriend. '''Liam: Ex-girlfriend. Gemma: Why do you say such hateful things? Liam: '''Because they're true. '''Ashok: Purple Rain! Oh, hey. Gemma. I'm out. Ophelia: '''Friend of yours? '''Liam: '''Ashok. Good friend. takes a picture with his phone ?: You two should- Okay. Scene 5 '''Helena: '''I'm so upset with you right now. '''Simon: '''Why? Because I'm defending my head of security? '''Helena: '''We should just fire him. '''Simon: '''If we distanced ourselves from the parents of Liam's conquests, your party would be a wasteland. The boy likes his daughter. '''Helena: '''So what? He's hardly a boy, and what's got into you? '''Simon: '''For starters, my son died and we're throwing a garden party. '''Helena: '''Our son. And have you forgotten what this event is about? It's for the families of soldiers and veterans. ?: Don't! Just don't say it's for Robert because we both know it isn't. ?: It is. It's for you. ?: Oh, fine. It's for me. ?: I could do with a day to simply enjoy myself. Have some tea, meet up with some old friends. '''Simon: '''Stop me from abolishing the monarchy. Scene 6 '''Gemma: '''I've been texting you. '''Liam: I've had a few things going on. Gemma: Did you get my pictures? Liam: '''Yeah. '''Gemma: '''I feel stupid about them, considering you're with her. '''Liam: I'm not with her. We're just hanging out. Gemma: Good. Because you're all mine. And if I have to fight for you, I will. And I don't mean in some romantic sense. I will actually fight the bitch. Liam: Gemma, you broke up with me. Gemma: '''Can we not do this? I said some things, you said some things. '''Liam: No. Just you said some things. Ten months ago. And then you disappeared, until now. Gemma: '''Meaning what? '''Liam: '''Meaning you disappeared. Until now. '''Gemma: '''That's really sweet, Liam. I chase you and I send you photos of my ass amongst other things, I try to apologize, and for what? So that you can imply that this is all some conspiracy to win you back because you're suddenly next in line for the throne. '''Liam: Gemma. Gemma: '''That's right, isn't it? That's what you meant. Well, it's not true. I've made mistakes with you and I plan to fix them. And you're going to let me, because it's like you said. You're the next king of England, and there aren't many girls out there who are going to understand what that means or know how to deal with it. And you're going to need a girl like that. So it may as well be the one that you ache for more than any other girl on the planet. It's good to see you, baby. I've missed you. Scene 7 '''Ashok: He likes you. Ophelia: You're his wingman, you have to say that. Ashok: Possibly true. Okay, let me guess. You're studying dance. No, art history. Both. Ophelia: Yeah. Ashok: You're also stubborn, competitive, a little awkward, and you like coffee. Wait for it... iced dirty chai with soy. Ophelia: Okay, what the hell, dude? Ashok: Well, Liam told me. Because he talks about you. Because he likes you. Ophelia: Oh. Ashok: Here he comes, don't tell him I told you. walks up Ashok: Little Red Corvette. Liam: Ashok likes to greet me with songs by Prince. I owe you an apology. Ophelia: It's okay. Liam: It's not okay. And it's kind of a long story. Ophelia: Ashok said you told him about me. Ashok: We are so not friends anymore. Liam: I might have mentioned a thing or two about the awkward dork I'm inviting to the garden party. Ashok: Sweet, what time? Liam: 3:00 for Ophelia. Never o'clock for everyone else. Ashok: It's because I told her, isn't it? Okay, well, I understand. But just so you know, I'm ashamed of myself. Liam: You should be. Come on. We should go get you a hat. Thanks for hanging with Ophelia. Ashok: My pleasure. I like this one. She's dreadful at keeping secrets. But other than that, well done, you. Scene 8 ?: As you know, today is a once in a lifetime opportunity for many of our guests to meet the royal family. So please, everyone be regal and respectable. ?: Oh my god, I'm starving. ?: Did we miss it? ?: Who invited them? ?: I did. I thought we could use them as human shields. Ted: Just be aware of your surroundings, follow protocol when greeting the public, and take no unnecessary risks. walks up to Liam Helena: 'I noticed Gemma wasn't on the list, so I invited her. Should make a splendid photo op. See? There's nothing you can do that I can't fix. Now then, it's imperative that you appear impressive today. So please, don't embarrass me. Scene 9 '''Helena: '''How do you do? '''Guest: '''Ma'am. ?: You look wonderful. Fabulous sari. - flash to Liam - '''Liam: '''Fix this, mother. surfs the crowd; Marcus follows '''Helena: '''Son of a bitch. '''Marcus: '''I don't think this is very prudent, sir. Scene 10 ''Ted follows Liam into the tent. Cyrus is already there. '''Ted: '''Can I have a word? Have you lost your damn mind? '''Cyrus: Pryce, it is not now nor in the history of time has it ever been okay for you to lose your shit with the future king of England. Walk away. leaves Cyrus: '''He nearly gave it to you. Which is fitting, considering how you have it to his daughter. You know, it's in everyone's best interest if you wake up one of these days. I don't think you will, but a man can dream. What do you think is worse? Falling short at 21 or falling short at 40? '''Liam: '''Does it matter? '''Cyrus: '''Yes. I still have time to change. You have no time. You have now. You're one breath away from the greatest throne on earth and you're squandering it all on school boy crushes and pints of beer in the pub. And while nobody, and I mean nobody, appreciates excess and indulgence as much as I do, the fact that you fail to recognize the magnitude of what is slipping away from you is astounding to me. Because it either means you're too stupid to understand it, or you don't care. And I have nothing but contempt and disdain for either one. Men would kill to stand where you're standing. I would kill for it. And your father is going to end it all if you don't figure it out. '''Liam: It's not about me. Cyrus: Of course it's about you, you daft little prick. Of course it is. Scene 11 Eleanor: '''How long do you think you can keep this up? '''Jasper: '''How long can I or how long will I? '''Eleanor: '''Oh, nice accent. You'll slip up. And when you do, you're going to jail. So you'd better file a few things away in your wank bank, Jasper. Who's is that? '''Jasper: Andy Sinclair. The Olympic swimmer. Andy Sinclair won four gold medals in the last Olympics, including one of the greatest come-from-behind finishes in sports history. The guy inspired a nation. Eleanor: '''Does he inspire you? '''Jasper: '''Well, yes, as a matter of fact, he does. '''Eleanor: '''Swimmer, huh? Scene 12 - Gemma and Ophelia '''Gemma: I owe you an apology... Ophelia: Ophelia. Gemma: Ophelia. Why on earth did your parents call you that? Ophelia: Why'd they call you Gemma? Gemma: I'm heiress to a diamond cartel. Ophelia: Of course you are. Gemma: Don't be a bitch, okay? I'm trying to be nice. couple walks up ?: It was a pleasure to see you again, as usual. ?: Au revoir. leaves Ophelia: How do you know how many times to kiss them? Gemma: You can tell by their accent. In France it's either two, three or four, once in a while five. Mostly stick with two and you'll be fine. Do you know how Liam and I met? We met on Sir Richard's yacht in the British Virgin Islands. Or at least we had the British and Islands part. How did you two meet? Ophelia: I was drunk in a bar and called him an idiot. Gemma: I know how this is supposed to go. I'm the hostile, podgy bitch with a fake smile and a secret agenda, and you're the girl next door with pluck and charm and a quiet inner strength. Ophelia: Advantage, me. Gemma: You think. But we'll see about that. I can be you. Can you he met? Ophelia: This morning didn't bother me, by the way. No apology needed. Gemma: I wasn't sorry about that. I'm apologizing in advance for winning Liam back. See? My agenda isn't always so secret. By the way, the fork stays in your left, lower your eyes when you meet the Chinese, and the drinks at the bar are free. And now you know. Scene 13 - Cyrus and James Cyrus: James Holloway. Category:Scripts Category:Episode scripts